fainting spells are back!

i thought all was fine but the fainting spells hit me again last night. i was out with the nj gang last night to cafe iguana. omg!!! i had once again fallen in love with their margarita. their servings looked normal, rather small but goi and i were DAMN full when we were only half way through our meals. so lesson learnt was to go there with a hungry stomach.

after that, we went to oasis at kallang and there was where i fainted. omg! i still cannot figure out what was the main cause of it. i din had breakfast that day. i dont think that is the main cause of it because on somedays, i do skip breakfast to rush to school and nothing happens to me. i really DONT KNOW! i just felt weird all of a sudden. we were not at any crowded place and i did have enough oxygen to breathe. first, i couldnt hear them speak. when i found somewhere to sit, i couldnt see at all. all i saw was lines of the lights from the opposite shores. the next moment, i was lying on goi's shoulders and then breaking out in cold sweats.

sorry guys if i had scared you. next time, dont worry too much okay? seriously, thanks for taking care of me last night. all the running about to find sweet and sugary drinks for me (qoo and the not-very-sweet ice lemon tea) and sending me up. haha! THANKS!!! at least i know i can depend on you guys when things happen in the future. sorry because i created so much trouble and spolit the night. i promise i will not be early in the future. i will always be the last to arrive no matter what. and lastly, i WANT TO PLAY DJ REMIX. i want to beat the god-like dingod. haha!!!


love you guys!

end of yr

the end of yr is approaching soon which means holidays are coming soon! i just heard from an old friend that he is going to taiwan in a few days' time. if i din remember wrongly, he just got home from his thailand trip. omg! i am so jealous of him! why cant i find the time to do some travelling this year? hate myself for not doing something that i like. am i able to do a little travelling at the end of the year?

hurry hurry! i want this year to end fast. it isnt a great year for me and i want it to be gone and away forever, never to return. new year new year new year!

detached

why must i? they frowned at me and questioned my decision. they told me i should give in and at least try to make things better. no, i do not want to. she was about to raise her hand and he was close to slamming the door at me.

why must i? they still could not understand me. she tried to talk me into again but i walked away. he, just gave up on me.

why must i? they did not even bother to try and ask because they knew i wont listen.

i had stopped making wishes a long time ago because i knew it was a trick to make children believe that miracles do happen. i no longer hold any hope in it. i thought i could live each day like a shadow but i did not know it could hurt and make my heart bleed so badly on a night like this. i did not want to be involved but why did i still know of it?

i knew things will turn out to be in this way on the very day it happened. is avoiding it my fault at all? i just do not want to have any unnecessary conflicts. or maybe it is just an excuse for running away and not facing up to the real problem? up till this very day, i still cannot figure out why it happened? it changed my entire life completely and it had turned me into someone who i do not recognize. all i need is fair treatment. is it really that hard to find it here?

i do not want to be involved in anything anymore. i refuse to give it all. because i know it will hurt when things start to fall apart and miracles do not happen anymore. why bother to put myself through the painful experience when i know it is a dead end ahead. i do not want to feel.

living alone

for the past few days, life has not a little different. it has been quite a while since i last did housework. doing housework is definitely tiring. it totally put me off when i looked at the pile of dirty clothes that i MUST wash and the amount of cleaning to keep the flat clean and neat. omg! i could just drop die right now if i had to do these for the rest of my life.

thinking, it is not a bad idea to move out and live on my own for a while before i settle down. it is not that i dont like living with my parents or i am one of these unfilial children who abandon their parents. i just want to feel the difference of living day by day on my own. to be more sadistic, i want to go through hardship so that i can learn to appreciate how fortunate i am now.

why am i having sucha thought? i guess i am longing for more personal, the so-called MY SPACE. having the entire room is not exactly the same. i dont know how to phrase it but it is just different.

mad rush

sometimes in life, we are so busy pursuing our dreams and individual goals that we have missed out on the simplicity of life. we are always rushing from one place to another, meeting up with different groups of friends, trying to make our lives vibrant. but have we ever thought of slowing things down a little to take a breather? taking a rest from all the chaos might be a wise decision afterall.

the past few months have been crazy for me. studying and settling urgent application matters nearly drove me up the wall. and today, finally a day for me to rest. talking to her never fails to make me feel at ease. i feel that i have lost touch with the self i once know. behaving differently with various groups of friends makes me question myself. which is the real reflection of myself? however, things arent exactly the same with her around.

i was talking to one friend of mine that i would like to go photo hunting one day. i am not sure what is the proper term but the phrase 'photo hunting' came straight to my mind immediately. i want to walk around spore, taking random snapshots of anything. it is not like i have a professional camera, except for a everyone-hates kinda camera. obviously the effects wont be exactly how i want it to be. but at least i just want to roam around the streets and walk aimlessly. maybe searching for something i dont even know what it can be.